Anonymous: Hey Andy, I've been following your blog since 2012. I've watched your struggles and your victories and I just felt the overwhelming need to tell you to not give up. Slip ups happen and relapses happen but we both know you were made for so much more, we were both made for so much more then struggling with anxiety and EDs. This is coming off as so fucking cheesy and maybe even shitty but I guess I'm just trying to tell you that you got this, because you are hard as fuck and make the world bright.
Dear sweet greyface,
I just want to reach through the internet tubes and hug you so tightly. I have a hard time accepting that there are maybe people I don’t know, or perhaps just don’t think about closely enough that care about me.
I have been having a really challenging time and trying to make it all okay even when it’s not, and it’s okay that it’s not. This isn’t cheesy to me at all in fact I honestly have to admit to having many difficult, dark thoughts recently. I wish I carried the same torch for myself and perhaps this is a sign that I could try.
Please take the fact you made the effort to reach out in this way means you are also hard as fuck and have definitely at least made this girl’s world bright.
I’ve been restricting fluids and lone-time meals. I feel like I am relapsing, my symptoms are strong. I know I am. I have been keeping up appearances too well by eating lots while people are around. It’s showing in my mood and paranoia and ill-tempered insecurities. My health is suffering again.
I gotta get medication and get my behaviours under control before I relapse. It’s just hard knowing I can pull the wool over everyone’s eyes with relative ease if I care to.
random picture from the summer. Feeling absolutely emotionally super fucked. People I care about are hurting and I am not able to do jack all. I need to learn to not feel responsible for everything that is wrong in the world jesus. Posted on Mar 10 with 2 notes
stacking unpacking reorganizing wood.
and it all falls apart just like everything else
little corner of borrowed things. Like the light in this room.Posted on Mar 9 with 1 note
anxiety anxiety anxiety. trying to nurse some plants back from the dead, feeling dead. massive anxiety all day.
fish guts fishy guts fisting fucksPosted on Mar 9 with 9 notes
Mackerel we caught in the summer cleaned. I used to do this for my dad all the time as a kid but lost the skill as an adult.Posted on Mar 9 with 1 note
So I finally got my camera charger, I am so excited to have my slr back. This is obviously an old photo that was one of the last pictures I took with my slr and I happen to really like it. There are so many good older pictures that are on this card but they’re in the past but I am not ruminating, the only challenging thing going through this card is how triggering it is to see pictures of me at my lowest weight.Posted on Mar 9 with 10 notes
Boxer life. This was such a lazy morning, I think it was like 7am. muscles.
I am not a god damns bridesmaid
So people spend a lot of time at work looking at the back of my head so I thought I might put in the effort to give them something to look at, I can cut/colour hair like a wizard but am crap at styling it. Posted on Mar 8 with 10 notes
I vowed to start wearing bows when I started working at the bakery because of Kiki’s Delivery Service.
Imbue me with those witch powers. all bow down to the breadmaster.
wargaghah I am in a group show in a month and I want to show some new work shit I am behind.
The coral light behind your eyelids
is not the absence
of what people have dreamt about you.
If people wanted to be coated in rose-tinted light
they would croon to you
in the way of flowers.
Leave before the sunset finished.
If they wanted to be seen as they are
they would shout at the moonlight,
hidden among your trash.
You cannot use your wide stretched palms to hold up the ocean,
Nor be vast or encompassing enough with your chest.
It will come around, stone object that it meets.
It does not slight your pressure.
Nor does it fault your crystallizing.
You can tolerate the rain.
You are the whole sum of your not whole parts.
ha ha ha ha how do I get myself into these wild situations, at least I have nice houseplants.
700 people were not apathetic enough to click to follow me. That is significantly more people than were in my highschool back in the day. Never thought anyone would find me interesting, apparently wrong?? The Cult of Andy hah.
subdibrekfists replied to your post: growing up me, my mom and sister would…
I used to love driving by them at night with my dad coming back from hockey games, the red lamps are like giant Christmas lights. Sad to hear they’re going…
Who are you because I swear to god this was what would run through my mind all the times. I would imagine it like christmas all year round or aliens or the stars burning up in the sky.