trying to re-learn the ukelelee ah
why oh why can I not call into work ‘depression’
Feeling extremely dangerously self destructive, I actually finally(been a few weeks) made it through a full day yesterday on my meal plan but today I feel very angry, childish, like blowing up. I feel as if I deserve nothing. I don’t think i can be like this and have people in my life. I would be a burden on anyone I cared about or will always become a chore.
I thought maybe things could be better, but the moment anyone sees me like this I’ve ruined it but the bad feelings settle in again like dust whenever they like and I can’t risk someone leaving/seeing me in those vulnerable moments so I must make my heart steel and likely close this bar down. Lone wolf heart distance when there is none to see but I am far away
Straight up fancy pizzas made on bakery dough or sausage rolls. I don’t like sweets so it’s obvious I’ll go for savoury but damn son. Also just the white bread is amazing.
Ugh, thank you. I am such a child about crushes. I am somewhat terrified but this seems to be a representation of something somewhat healthy as they seem to be a positive influence on me. Also thusfar seems to enjoy treating me like a princess yet not allowing it to be dependant or expected.
but example lately I have been making conscious effort to not waste days off and today I mom cleaned my house for four hours alone and have been practicing dance in my living room this afternoon.
They don’t drain me and that’s odd. Nothing is completely stable and most days are hard; I seem to fall off the recovery bandwagon sometimes but I am working hard and having someone who is supportive around seems to accelerate my progress.
Whether it works out or not I don’t know, learning to be self-loving is my top priority but, I don’t even know what I want it to work out to as I don’t know what I want yet but, I think it could be a good thing?
Two piece disease tiny cats overheated sweatbag ft. Junktrunk
Finally felt okay enough with my body to grab some phone pictures of my new two piece. Ive always preferred one pieces but the acquisition of a sweet high waisted with derpy cat faces panty/bandeau set that I can pretend is for water has made me start to be more open to suggestion.
PS what the flying fuck I have a huge ass now when how where whattt I have never really had booty and I have no idea how to dress myself but really advice pleasePosted on Jul 19 with 11 notes
Yeah that’s right guys, I have a crush that I am so crushing on that I have to even tell the internet. This is unprecedented in my crush world. I usually try my best not to talk about it other wise I jinx it.
A very sweet sweet person went to the grocery store with me and let me pick out whatever I wanted on their tab(they had come into a grocery store gift card). I have never done this before because spending money on food makes me intensely anxious, and I was taught to never go for pricey items even when you want them(poor kid parenting). So while I can get health food on a budget, getting those simply favourite items often goes neglected for me. I got Lychee POM tea(haven’t had this in 6 years?? it’s my fav??) and Sushi and Sunchips for dipping in baba ghanouj and then proceeded to eat it all gloriously barely dressed in not my bed while introducing them to Doctor Who after a massage. I may be in trouble in some ways(see: impending thousands of dollars of debt) but by fuck if I don’t want to remember this.
Sorry that this blog is essentially just me making sure I don’t forget the good stuff.
This is old but finally publishing it because I would look at this message frequently to bolster my self-confidence and today I want to acknowledge whoever sent this, thank you, if you want to know me or talk to me ever off anon this message did the groundwork of friendship.
Wow wow wow so uh. As some of you know I’ve been dating lately and I gotta say hello nurse, the universe provides, my cup over flowethhh